“My advice to others is that despite not knowing the outcome, never settle for less than you deserve.”
– Carol Gee, M.A., retired AF Veteran, and author
Teacher, author, and retired Air Force veteran, Carol Gee, M.A., took a big risk in her now 45-year-old marriage. Back when she and her husband were 13 years into their marriage, her already-quiet partner slipped into a period of even lesser communication. Frustrated, she ended up taking a marital timeout that strengthened her marriage and relationship.
The Challenge
Like Carol, her husband was also in the Air Force. While stationed in Panama, Carol’s husband just kept to himself to the extent of extreme reticence. “He didn’t want to go anywhere, do anything. He couldn’t or wouldn’t tell me what was going on,” she elaborates. She attempted discussing what the problem was, but her every attempt was met with stoic silence.
Carol even asked him if there was someone else, but that wasn’t the issue. His state of virtually zero communication had already carried on for three months. Finally, Carol asked her husband if the situation would change soon; all she got was a simple “No.”
Making a Tough Decision to Temporarily Separate
Carol felt staying on would only worsen the then state of their marriage. Therefore, she requested to be sent back to the United States. Once back, she settled in Oklahoma. Instead of dwelling too much on the negative and depressing situation, she took this as an opportunity for her personal growth.
“Working two part-time jobs (my reserve training and adjunct for a local college), I later found a full-time job, which occupied my time and kept me from being lonely,” she describes. “Yes, separating was a big risk, as I didn’t know if it spelled the end of my marriage. Still, I persevered,” she adds.
Gee wasn’t sure where was the situation heading, given how little her husband shared about his problem. In spite of the adverse circumstances and unable to do anything about it, Carol’s love for her husband remained unchanged.
They kept in contact during his remaining two-and-a-half-year stint in Panama. When his Panama stint was over, he asked if he could visit Carol and if there was a chance of them reuniting. They took this opportunity to spend time together and give their relationship a second chance.
A Marriage Stronger After Separation
The separation and time alone proved fruitful to their marriage. “I think our separation made us both realize that we were stronger together than apart,” she says. Sometimes striving means doing the things most uncomfortable to realize something better.
Carol never discovered the reason for her husband’s reticence, but she is glad he resolved his issues to the benefit of their relationship. Both of them strived hard and eventually made their marriage a great success. As of March 2018, Carol Gee and her husband will be married 45 years.
